I got this the other day. While it talks about the rules for the World Cup, I think it applies to any especially important sporting event (NBA championship, College March Madness, American Football Bowls, Super Bowl, anything from Georgia Tech, and so on).Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to
wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all
women in general). These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...
LIST OF RULES
- From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the
newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World
Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you
fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will
be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
- During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any
exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will
lose it (your eye).
- If you have to
pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you
do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide
to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right
after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the
doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
- During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you
expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or
pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont
happen.
- It would be a good idea for
you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as
plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces
to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you
will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay
a good game that I missed during the day.
- Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is
losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry,
they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me
angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know
more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement"
will only lead to a break up or divorce.
- You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me
during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the
halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying
"one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to
"spend time together".
- The replays
of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I
haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
- Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go. - But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
- The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but
you have already seen this... why don't you change the channel to
something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of
this list".
- And finally, please
save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4
years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the
Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc
etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards
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